Shift in plans.

Well, I never thought I would be writing this, but I lost my job yesterday.  I've been riding a roller coaster of emotions, ranging from: horrified, mortified, anxious, devastated, relieved, pissed off, embarrassed, bitter, and heartbroken.  I could rant for days about the shock and injustice and "oh my God, why me?" feelings I've been having, but not sure it will help.

Life-wise, we are fine for now.  Thank God The Fiance is a saver.  I have a small severance and have already started applying to any job I can get my hands on.  I need to work and soon.  As nice as it is to be home, I have a feeling the novelty will wear off pretty quickly.  And even though we have a nice egg in savings to lean on, I'd rather not deplete it entirely.

Wedding-wise, most vendors are paid for, and we are lucky that our parents are hosting the bulk of it.  The honeymoon, however, has been put on hold.  Unless I start something new tomorrow at the same/more salary, there is no way we can or should be taking an expensive European vacation.  I don't know what we're going to do, and to be honest, I am probably more worried about it than I should be.  It's sort of heartbreaking, although trivial in the end.

So now I have one of those "everything happens for a reason" situations on my hands.  I consider myself to be very optimistic, so I am trying to not let the bitter/angry/negative feelings take over.  I need to see the silver lining, and that is this is a chance to start over somewhere I am better suited.  My job was high-stress and hihg-pressure.  I worked 10 hour days at a minimum.  It's the reason I come home too exhausted to cook dinner or work out.  I was complaining more and more, and worried for this very situation for quite some time.  Maybe it isn't that awful.  As much as I insisted that I was happy and loved it, the work environment had changed and in the end, I was really miserable.  So that's probably for the best, right?

The Fiance and my family have been amazing.  As with most cliches, I've been learning most have invariable truth.  Everything happens for a reason.  You learn who your friends are.  When one door closes, another will open.  Etc, etc. etc.  All true.  I am trying to put my angst to action, to not eat my feelings, and appreciate the lessons learned.  I cannot express how much I appreciate the people who have already reached out to me to offer support.  It's mind-blowing and brings tears to my eyes.  Again and again - I can't quite seem to stop crying, but maybe that is normal, not sure.

As my Daddy-O reminded me, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  Wish me Job Hunting Vibes!