Reverb10: Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

Can you be healed if you aren't broken?  On the surface, I would tell you that nothing is wrong with me to be fixed.  Sure I have issues.  Everyone has anxieties, fears, weird habits, and neuroses ... but those are part of your make-up, not cracks to be sealed.  I would tell you that I don't need fixing, but then again, that's because I already have been. 

As I have said before, this year has been an evolution for me.  My life has changed a lot over the course of the past twelve months, and I am so grateful for all of it.  In the face of all of this upheaval, I have learned that I am strong and resiliant and loved beyond belief.  Did that heal me?  Only in the sense that I finally realized it was there all along.  I have a great family, a wonderful husband, true and dear friends, and a comfortable lot in life.  Even when things were hard and my path seemed to go off-course, those remained unchanging.  Maybe it took a lot to see it, but I am glad I did.  If there is something broken,  I can fix it myself, and I have people to lean on in the process.  If the Universe throws me a curveball, I can still move forward and better my circumstances.  I have control, even when it doesn't seem like it.  I may not control what happens, but I have learned that I can control my response, and that will dictate success in the outcome.

I have never been an overly confident person.  I can fake it til I make it, but I have always held onto seeds of doubt about my merit and worthiness.  When something good happens, I tend to hold my breath a bit, waiting for it to be taken away, for someone to say "oh just joking, this was meant for something else."  I looka round now and want to pinch myself that this is my life.  I love what I have, where I am, what I do.  I feel more confident and self-assured than I remember ever feeling in my life.  I don't know what allowed or forced that change to occur, but it has been a healing process.  I am allowed to feel good, to revel in the blessings, and I don't have to wait for the other shoe to fall. 

A year ago, I would have told you I loved my life, and I would have been lying.  But now? I sincerely mean it.  So much has changes for the better, and so much is exactly the same.  It's been an amazing, eye-opening, evolutionary, blessed, healing year.

(reverb10.com)