I shouldn't complain. It's moving along. I guess it never really happens fast enough. I mean, no amount of weight loss would be rapid enough to turn back time and prevent me from gaining it all in the first place.
It's embarrassing, you know - to have gained all this weight. I've never been "skinny" but certainly not this big either. I think about it a lot, especially since I put myself out there so much with facebook and this blog. It's painfully obvious, even in spite of my recent progress, that it's really visible. When a couple of Kenny's friends were making off-hand comments last weekend about a girl one of them used to date and how big she is now, it made me incredibly uncomfortable. Do people have those thoughts about me? I hate being so self-concious, and Kenny tells me not to think like this (because he thinks I'm pretty and all that), but it still stinks. I'm all in my own head.
Nothing makes me wish more to be on the other side of this journey, to be living a healthy and fit life, and have that part where I gained a ton of pounds in college and then more after just be a phase in the dim past.
It could not happen fast enough.
I found your blog from the ww message boards. I use to be on there a long time ago as bridge2005. I just recently started lurking again. I made lifetime and have gained a significat amount back so I know how you feel. I'm not doing ww anymore and am counting calories instead. I, too, wish it would all just fall off quickly. Too bad weight it so easy to gain and so hard to lose!
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way! College and the "happily married" lbs snuck up and I am so self-conscious. The reason I wanted to comment was because I think a lot about beauty comes from within. I know a girl who is bigger, but she's so confident that she radiates. She doesn't let the weight define her, but rather she lets her personality define who she is. I guess just remember you are beautiful. You are successful. Your weight does not define you.
ReplyDeleteI totally feel your pain, especially now that I've lost 50lbs and gained almost 40 of it back. I feel so much more self-aware of how I look, and no amount of "you're pretty" makes it better (sometimes it makes it worse).
ReplyDeleteHang in there - you're one of the strongest-willed people I know, and even when shit gets tough, you don't ever seem to give up. Take that loss and be proud of it! Maybe MFP is finally catching up with you :)