On the Weigh: A bit of fit

I am still in time-out from the scale and trying to focus on other numbers in my life. My weight has been all over the place, but I am up overall, and it frustrates me to no end.  I am so over this.  The moments of weakness when I have peeked at my weigh-in have resulted in nothing but eye-twitches and an elevated pulse.  After what feels like eons of working on it, thinking about it, talking about it, blogging about it, dwelling on it and 235 days of backtracking, plateauing, resetting, cutting, and logging into MFP, I am sitting at two pounds lost. Mothereff.  At one point I was down 15. I struggle to articulate my frustration over this using more than four-letter words.  I am so over having a good attitude about it.  I hate being stuck like this, especially since I feel like I am basically back at the beginning ... again.  I don't regret my reset, if it was what my body needed at the time. But right now I want to punch something.

I am really trying to channel my frustration into something productive.  Some days are better than others.  I have had a good week - no overages on calories, good activity so far.  I've either met my FitBit calorie or my step goal (sometimes both) every day since Saturday.  I'm on quite a workout streak - three days in a row.  Um, why am I not at goal yet? THREE WHOLE DAYS.  I am enough of an immediate gratification person that any and all patience with this process is becoming quite thin.  That seems to be the only part of me doing so lately.  I really, really love my FitBit, and being as active as I have this week is the only thing that's keeping me from going completely over the edge.

Damn this whole thing for taking so damn long all the time. 

But giving up isn't really an option either, is it?  I mean, what choice do I have but to keep running up against this damn wall until I find a way through?  I'm just so annoyed by this.  It's really hard not to compare myself to other people, the downside of the "support" network I've created for myself via social media connections.  I see success all around me.  I am so happy for those people.  And I am so sad that I'm not there too.

I am usually so good at being Chin-Up Charlie about this shit, but I don't want to right now.  I'm sad, frustrated, depressed, and underneath it all, just plain pissed off.  It really sucks to feel like your own body is your enemy, but that's kind of where I am at this moment.  I keep buying cute clothes to try to cover up that fact and make myself feel better.  So far, no so much.

Ugh.  That pretty much sums it up.