48 Questions

I stole this from Salty Mom ... I love these sorts of things.  LUCKY YOU.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My middle name is Elizabeth in honor of my cousin Betsy, who passed away as an infant before I was born.  Aside from that, my mom spelled Meagan with an A because of President Reagan - she thought "Megan" sounded like "mee-gan" so she threw the extra A in there because it made more sense to her.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I think I cry about every other day.  Is this normal?  Most recently - Sunday morning I was recounting to Kenny the story of how I startled him when I got home from my friend's birthday party so badly that he shrieked and pulled the covers over his head.   I laughed so hard trying to reenact it that I cried.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, I do.  I used to hear from people all the time that left-handed people always have messy writing, so I have worked very hard to make sure mine is neat and legible.  It's also kind of big and loopy, but that's just how I roll.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey, but also hard salami lately.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No.  Just two dogs and a healthy case of baby fever.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Heck yes.  I am funny and I like to bake for people.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Only always.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No, I don't think so.  My inner old lady thinks it looks like a back injury waiting to happen, and I happen to like my spine aligned just as it is.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Multi-Bran Chex.  I am waiting for my AARP membership to arrive any day now.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Never.  It's a bad habit I've had ever since I learned to tie them.  I mostly try to put them on without untying as well, which used to drive my mom crazy.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Some days, but mostly not.  I have had a soft life and I don't like sweating.  And see above, re crying.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Cookie dough
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Clothing.  I am a judgey bear.
15. RED OR PINK?
I go for pink first, but I am starting to like red more and more as I get older.  It's a very powerful color that can actually be really feminine.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
A natural inclination towards messiness and clutter. Also, I have terrible, awful, no-good, very bad insecurities and neuroses about my appearance.  
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My grandfather.  I can't believe it's been seven years since he's passed.  I find myself wishing frequently that Kenny could have met him.  They would have liked each other.
18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?
Organization (see #16)
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Black riding boots.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Salami and cheese sammich (current status)
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
An audio book - a current obsession thanks to the county library
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Magenta or Cerulean
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Baking, pumpkin spice candles, clean doggy, fresh coffee
24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO YOU?
Strong enough for heated discussions and fervent eye-rolling over some Facebook statuses, but not so much that I disassociate with people over theirs.
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Beach house.  Preferably in Seaside, FL. 
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football, preferably college

27. HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown.  I don't color at all, especially since it takes a lot to change the color.  For whatever reason, my hair resists it.  I tried to go reddish recently.  Didn't work at all.
28. EYE COLOR?
Green
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes, although recently I have basically been living in my glasses to cover up that I am barely putting effort into make-up, nor sleeping well.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Pasta. Cheese.  Pasta with cheese on it.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings.  I used to like scary movies, but not really any more.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Campaign. It was ridiculously silly, but I liked it nonetheless.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
White long-sleeve tee.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer.  I like the seasons that the midwest has to offer, but I mostly just look forward to the opposite of where we currently are.
35. FAVORITE DESSERT?
If it has chocolate, I am happy.
36. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Cardio is my preference, but I like interval or cross-training that combines both.
37. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
Computer.  I find myself watching next to no TV lately.  I would rather play online for a little bit and then read.
38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens.  I remember enjoying it back in my high school lit class, so we'll see if that's still true now.
39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I have a plain grey one at the office and don't use one at home.
40. FAVORITE SOUND?
Church bells.
41. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC?
Emo-ish alternative.
42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
France.
43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Cabbage Patch Kid Face
44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Springfield, IL
45. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
St Louis, MO - suburbs thereof.
46. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
Tan brick with an orangey cast.
47. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Black, but mostly winter dirt grey.
48. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 48 QUESTIONS?
Yes, I am a sucker for surveys!

Instagram Life, Jan 19-25

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! RIP Little Pink HRM, 2007-2013

oh you don't feel well?  Yes, I will anchor myself to you and turn on the heat so you can pass out for four hours and waste your whole afternoon off.

Monday morning Resolutions.

Goals for the week...

10k steps a day
Drink/track 100 oz water
Clean out one drawer or closet
Complete daily cleaning tasks
Wake up 30 minutes earlier

What are your goals this week?

On the Weigh: Queen of Maintaining

WI: +/- 0  Total: -2.8 (Avg -.35/week)

I am the best maintainer ever.  Bow before me.

It's nice not to be gaining during this stressful time. I tend to be a very emotional eater, but I have been trying to be very conscious about it in order to avoid/control it.  The good news is that one way to avoid snacking is to work out, which has been a welcome distraction.  I am working through the Firm Express program, which I really like.  I have a Jeff Galloway app for my phone that guides you through walk/run intervals that KJ recommended and my FitBit pushing me to get my steps everyday.  I bought a Groupon for two weeks of boxing classes waiting to be redeemed.  I have the next boot camp session calling my name.  I recently discovered Blogilates and absolutely love her intense pilates-inspired workouts.  And I hung out with a friend last night who was very encouraging about going back to the Turbo Kick classes she teaches one night a week.  All in all, I have no excuse to not get up and get moving. 

The chest strap on my old Polar heart rate monitor broke this week, so I will be winging it in terms of tracking activity until the new one gets here.  I've been thinking about upgrading to the FT4 anyway, but the old was was still working just fine.  So much for making due and being happy with what I've got.  The good news is that I found one on sale - not my first choice color, but a $40 savings is worth it.

I have been feeling really uninspired in the blogging department lately.  I hope you bear with me.  I just don't feel like I have a whole lot to say right now. 

Five for Friday, vol 85

1. You make a mean salad. And you chop veggies like a boss.

2. You caught a huge error in the billing for my surgery that took a several thousand dollar bill down to a couple hundred. I don't know how you're always able to see things like that and get them fixed.

3. You have wholeheartedly embraced my goal of making our lives healthier, and my goodness that makes it so much easier.

4. You're kind of a hippie about vaccines and medicine. You're just like your grandfather when it comes to trusting the doctor (even when she's your cousin).

5. No matter how I am feeling, what I am wearing, or how in presentable I really am, you always, ALWAYS think I am beautiful. And you tell me, and show me, and flirt with me. And I just really appreciate that.

I love you.

Instagram Life, Jan 12-18

hey, that's mine!

doggy crack

at the vet, betrayed and unamused

hi.

one of my favorite christmas gifts

trader joe's genovese pesto chicken ftw

tucker's m.o.

our girl loves her blankies

plank-a-day .... grrrrr

hiding

snug a bug

On the Weigh: Spring in my step.

WI: -1.2   Total: -3

Things seem to be falling into place.  I've been pushing myself to focus on healthy eating and finding balance again.  And it feels good.  I even threw out the rest of that jumbo bag of M&Ms upon which I was attempting to subsist.  My routine is back to a more normal place.  I have a way to go to feel completely like myself again, but it's the right direction.  Anything is better than wallowing and feeling sad.  It certainly feels nice and gratifying when you work hard and the feedback on the scale goes the way you want it to.

This week's goal is all about fruits, vegetables, and real food.  I've been relying way too much on processed packaged convenience foods and I'm looking forward to getting back to my eight+ servings a day.  And also my ten thousand steps - can't forget those.

Deep breaths.  One day at a time.

Five for Friday, vol 84

1. "We don't have a yorkie, we have a porkie."

2. "this shirt is a little more hipster cut than I'm used to. Like a city fit . I think I need a country fit so I have somewhere to put my biscuits and gravy."

3. Why a city boy who works in finance wants to watch Buck Wild, Amish Mafia, and Duvk Dynasty is beyond me, but we do. Frequently.

4. Going to the grocery store with you is torture because you love to meander down the aisles looking at absolutely everything.

5. You watch Homeland with subtitles so you don't fall asleep.


I love you.

Instagram Life, Jan 5-11

Izzie likes ice cream.

family photos are my favorite lately.

like a teddy bear

all of Kenny's friends shaved their heads in solidarity for a friend starting chemo.  Kenny was sick and couldn't go, but they had a great turnout anyway.

piles of blankets, piles of dogs

Blondie Bear has seen some action this week, so it got a bath too.

hi.

favorite winter breakfast: cinnamon oatmeal + banana

we are long overdue for a grooming

my blankies

theme song

HR loves paper, hates trees.  I am surrounded by piles right now.

I get wife points for this answer, right?

throwback photo - coffee creamer bomb of 2010

On the Weigh: Carry On

WI: -0.0  Total: -1.6

Maintained this week. With everything else going on, as well as the number of M&Ms I've eaten, this number is perfectly acceptable. I get a pass for having a lot of feelings right now.
I doing two different DietBets right now, which have both been really motivating (and distracting in the best possible way). I decided about halfway through last week that "fake it til you make it" is the way to go right now. I don't feel good, but eating good food and working out everyday will only help my mental state. And maybe I can win some money too.
I feel guilty for not doing boot camp with my work friend, but I have to cut myself some slack. Sometimes something has to give. The next session starts in six weeks or so, and I'll be able to join then.
Be sure to check out Healthy Tipping Point to see my January Joiners goals too.

Five for Friday, vol 83

1.  You have managed to hound both our insurance provider and our cable/internet provider into correcting terrible billing.  I think you actually made money from AT&T.  I don't know how you do it.

2.  After dealing with some awful customer service (see #1), you left messages with two managers to compliment the people who were able to help you and solve the issues.  I appreciate that you're tenacious with these huge companies, but you also give positive feedback when it's merited.

3.  Thank you for keeping house this week when I have been so all over the place and not really functional.

4.  I like that you like your new sweaters.

5.  Pinky promise!

I love you.

A (kind of) Normal Day

I am still a mess, to be honest. Tears are imminent. My heart hurts. With Grandma in hospice, so we're all just ... waiting. It's awful but I am getting to the point where I know I have to get through this on a day to day basis. So I'm trying.


Kenny discovered this fitting card in a pile of papers in the kitchen and it's now on display in my cube.

I'm not wearing make up, my hair is kind of gross, but I am doing my best to eat something with some redeemable nutritional value and not be a total lump. Sadness is exhausting, but I can control at least a little of how I am feeling but eating, you know, a vegetable now and then. Sadly, green M&Ms do not count. 

strawberry-banana-pineapple protein smoothie

 

red pepper-tomato soup with brown rice and quinoa

snacks - I love tzatziki with veggies lately


 Dinner was a comfort food favorite: crockpot salsa chicken. I devoured them before snapping a pic, but they were delicious. It's the easiest and most mindless thing I know how to make, which is perfect for my mental state recently - dump frozen chicken breast in a crockpot, add a jar of salsa (I used one and a half because of the volume of chicken) and a small jar of chopped green chilis. Cook on low until you get back home from work. Shred and serve. We had Wholly Guacamole with them and I am already looking forward to the leftovers.

Lovely flowers from one of my besties ... made my day (and maybe made me cry a little)

With everything else going on, the nice thing is that I can throw myself into focusing on my health and fitness, and it's a wonderfully welcome distraction. I am feeling better today after eating actual real food yesterday.  I decided not to start this round of bootcamp with my work friend - with everything going on, it felt like too much to add to my plate.  I will more than likely do the next round, which starts in February.  I have written out a workout schedule for the next week or so that I can do at home, and it felt good to move around and get lost in reps and routines during a Firm workout last night. 

 

I am already looking forward to going home again tomorrow to spend time with my family.  I don't know if it makes it easier, but it's what I think I need to do.

 

Oh, hi Grandma.

Not alright.

It's been a really difficult couple of days and I am all over the place right now.

My grandmother was admitted to the hospital about a week ago with pneumonia and they discovered lung cancer in the course of her treatment. It's not allowing the treatment for the peumonia to be effective and she's being placed in hospice on Wednesday.

I went up to spend the weekend with family after working from home on Friday. Kenny wasn't able to come with me because he's sick, and we didn't think it was a good idea. My sister flew in from Colorado and we all just sort of huddled. I knew, philosophically, that this would be difficult when the time came, but it is so so so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

My boss gave me leave to work from home (seriously the most understanding and flexible team ever, such a blessing in all this) but I went to the office anyway. I need to not just sit at home and feel sad. I need the distraction and routine. But the bad news is that my emotions are barely contained and the most trivial little things are pushing me close to the edge. I don't know if this is normal or of I am just not dealing that well.

I am so grateful for getting to see her this weekend.
I am scared and heartbroken over what's happening.
I am grateful to have Kenny and my family and friends to lean on.
I'm worried for my sister, hundreds of miles away from all of us and by herself.
I am worried about my dad and mom and how they are dealing when they aren't trying to be strong and take care of everything.
I hate the feeling of bracing for bad news everything the phone rings.
I hate feeling so damn hopeful and knowing at the same time how silly that is.
I am grateful that she's not in pain, she knows what's going on, and they are doing exactly as she's requested.

But God, this is so hard.

Please keep us in your thoughts. I am trying really hard to put on a brave face to get through this, but we could all use some happy thoughts right now.

Instagram Life, Dec 29 - Jan 4

Penny models our swanky new pillow shams

Tucker Bear, lap dog extraordinaire

new favorites

excited to go to Costco

let's do this, New Years

christening the new smoker with brisket for the party

champagne funfetti cupcakes

also busted out the new Draftmark ... awesome!

happy new year!

midnight!

i think someone was still a little hungover come Jan 2

crazy bed head

new dress from my mama and Land's End

we like our new personalized sweatshirt (that's his happy face)

hide and seek

I'm so happy that I amma

I love my Waterlogged app!

Friday was a tough day - worked from home, sought comfort from all available parties